One of the most awkward realisations of recent advances in exercise physiology and research is that each advance forward makes me know less than I thought I did.
When I was young (about 20 years ago) and I was representing my State for various sports, I knew, or we thought we all knew that cardio involved simply running around an oval until we puked and that strength training was doing simple weights such as the back-squat, the press, some push-ups and pull-ups. Did we do core work? I think we did – but a stability ball, a wobble board was certainly never present.
Nowadays, I think these fine simplicities are lost: The gyms assure us that there is no such thing as free-weights for women and women’s health and fitness magazines assure us that there is no such thing as a good run. This is happening at an unprecedented rate of occurrence. Who ever heard of Reebok or Nike coming out and saying that there’s no such thing as bare feet or Lorna Jane maintaining that for us girls to sweat, that we need to do it in a $100 outfit. Yet, that is no odder than what gymnasiums and the Public Press have been doing.
To begin with the latter, the Public Press reduces women’s health and fitness exercise down to ridiculous passive and submissive like poses as if we are stuck in the 18th century. There are, however, several consequences in the way of reducing women down to 18th century type figures when performing physical activity. I do think that these consequences are insufferable. What I can say with authority is that based on the basis of human movement itself, is that what we have until now is that our body is quite an elaborate machine and construction not really corresponding to any of those exercises that they prescribe. Our bodies are complex constructions, and yet what they prescribe is conveniently lazy, isolated, basic type exercises. You will find yourself going around and around and around – in a circle. Our body should be an emanation of exercise, and exercise should be performed to honour our body. Performing isolated type movements with little to no weight is not right, and you have to look for something that is neither basic nor light, for which your body can become both advanced, strong and mobile.
I am a strong opponent of both gymnasiums and the Public Press. That I make quite clear in all my writings, but are actuated by my two main desires: the first to prove that the body is capable of achieving anything, and the second is to prove that the ultimate in achieving greatness is mental rather then physical. In both these respects when I exercise I honour movement and not muscles. I listen to my heart and not my head. I pour all my energies into the technique and to the form and I never waiver. If I cannot perform a perfect movement, then I stop. I either reduce the weight or I perform a simpler move. Do I give up on the movement. No. I come back another day and retry.
It is of course rash to ignore what exercise science may achieve in the future. We may learn to run less then 9 seconds for 100m, learn to jump higher then 3m, it all seems quite possible and plausible. But if there is any truth in modern physics, and more in particular with Newton’s second law of gravity, we cannot presume that records will continue to be broken forever.
I love this conclusion, fancy things come and go, but if we be honest with ourselves, and if I can dilute your pretensions, there is nothing better then performing basic human movement to increase our functional existence and comfort. That is why, in spite of the horror of both what happens in the gyms and the Public Press, you can not escape the beauty of movement – she will rise again one day and be once again adorned.
Ladies, for heaven’s sake – learn the beauty of movement, and watch the magic unfold.
If you are looking for a fitness coach or a one on one personal trainer, contact womensstrengthcoach.com. Womensstrengthcoach.com specialises in strength training for women.
You don’t really understand what has happened or who he really is. Without information as to what Narcissism is, it is almost impossible to understand:
Why there seems to be 2 completely different people inside him?
How he could have changed so dramatically?
Why he is so nice at times and then so nasty at others?
What causes that change? He also talked so much about love and higher values in the beginning, but his real behaviour has only really reflected selfishness and self interest.
You keep hoping for the initial person you fell in love with to re-emerge. He did such an amazing job of his “Sales Presentation” to you in the courting phase, pretending to be all you could have wanted in a partner, and it was so believable, that you just want that version of him to re-appear again, so you can have the relationship you thought you were going to have and have committed to, and just be able to get on with it.
But, unfortunately, the “Sales presentation” version of him that you fell in love with, is NOT REAL. The feelings, passion and intensity he first showered you with were all part of his sales presentation. This version of him will never return, because there is no truth to it. It is not real. It was the lure to get you in. He will only use it again if he decides he wants to re-lure you back in. IT IS NOT REAL..
It feels unfinished in that there seemed to be so much promise that hasn’t really happened yet. He has promised you the world, and all you have been left with crumbs. He is very capable of a great seduction and pretence when courting you, but not at all interested, nor is he capable, of being a real partner in any meaningful way, with empathy and compromise expected from each other.
You feel if only he understood how hurt you have been then it would change him. It can be difficult to accept that he really doesn’t care about how hurt you are as a result of his behaviour. He may have pretended to care initially, so you want to believe that he does really, but in reality he doesn’t, and it can be difficult to accept that you have given your love and commitment to someone who just doesn’t care how hurt you are feeling.
You can take on some of the blame your partner has thrown at you,(and continues to throw at you) and blame yourself. By the time you have decided to escape, you will have experienced your share of put downs, belittling, judgements and criticisms, both subtle and very obvious. While these constitute his projections of his own characteristics only, it is difficult not to take on some of them, particularly when he has repeatedly blamed you. This may leave you thinking that some of this has actually been your fault and perhaps if you tried harder, you could make it work. Please know that while you have participated in this dance with the Narcissist, you have NOT contributed in the way you are blaming yourself. In fact you have probably tried too hard in the relationship already, and not seen that he has not been willing to take responsibility for his part in it. It is now time to take responsibility for yourself and your own happiness.
There is no closure with the Narcissist. He will not be interested in acknowledging his guilt in the relationship ending, so you will not be able to have any shared closure with him. He will in fact be projecting and blaming you for everything, while keeping himself squeaky clean in his fantasy world. He may also want to involve others close by, sharing his fantasy version of how wonderful he has been and how appalling you have. Remind yourself that in actuality, he is covering his terror and worthlessness with a fantasy based on rationalisations and lies, and that you know in your own truth what efforts you have made.
You can’t understand why he doesn’t really try to work on the relationship. To be willing to work on your relationship, you need to be frank and accountable, two things the narcissist can’t tolerate. In reality, he doesn’t see he has a problem and doesn’t want the relationship to be any different from what it is. He has created the fantasy this way, and he wants it to stay this way as it is serving his desires. This is usually more important than any relationship to him.
You question just what in the relationship was real at all. It is a extremely mindbogglingly painful to realise that you have been taken in by a clever conman and have trusted this person when he was far from trust worthy, and for as long as you have. Also, that his motives have not been to love you, as stated, but simply to gain his Narcissistic supply from you, a mere source for him.
It takes time, processing, deep soul searching, and usually assistance from a trained Psychologist to come to the full realisation of the reality of the relationship you have been living in, and to gain closure and move forward into a healthier relationship.
At the Hart Centre we have over 50 Psychologists around Australia who have been trained in understanding and helping you with Narcissism and Narcissistic partners. If you’re having relationship issues with a narcissist Phone 1300 830 552.
Tags: Narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic
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